If
Your Child has been Sexually Abused
If
you have reason to think your child has been sexually
abused, how should you respond?
-Believe
in your child. It is extremely rare for children
to lie about sexual abuse, and it is vital that you
not deny or ignore what the child is telling you.
If in doubt, err on behalf of your child.
-Protect
your child immediately from the suspected offender.
You can start repairing the damage at once by assuring
your child that the abuse will not continue.
-Reassure
your child that it is not his or her fault, and
that you're glad she or he told you. Many children
feel guilty and have been told by the offender that
the abuse was their fault and they will be blamed
for it.
-Report
the suspected abuse at once to the state agency
responsible for investigating abuse. You cannot get
into trouble yourself for reporting suspected abuse,
even if it turns out not to have happened, as long
as you make the report "in good faith."
-Help
your child work with the professional who will handle
the case. Police and caseworkers deal with victims
of abuse, and they may differ in their skills and
sensitivity. You may need to be a strong advocate
for your child. You can help your child interact with
these professionals by staying with the child and
reassuring him or her during questioning; or you can
request that your child be interviewed by a specialist
trained in child sexual abuse or trained in interviewing
children.
-Get
a medical exam at once for your child even if he or
she appears to be unhurt. You need this to protect
your child's health, as well as for possible evidence.
Cultures of the throat, vagina, rectum, and urethra
may be necessary to test for venereal disease. Not
all physicians know how to examine for sexual abuse.
Ask your local Office of Protective Services to identify
a physician trained in diagnosing sexual abuse, or
call the local branch of the American Academy of Pediatrics
or the American Medical Association in your state.
This
feels like the worst thing that ever happened to us.
What else can I do?
The discovery of sexual abuse, especially if it's
incest, is a terrible upheaval for a family. Know
that you're not alone, and that life can return to
normal after a time. During the initial crisis period,
try to remember:
-To
allow your child to express his or her feelings, and
to keep your own feelings about the abuse separate.
For example, if a loved family member is the offender,
your child may have mixed feelings of love, anger,
hurt, and betrayal. You may want to punish the family
member-by vowing, for example, that "your father will
go to jail," but your child may fear just that and
be further frightened by it. Whatever the child's
feelings, allow them to be expressed.
-Find
someone trustworthy to talk with, to unburden yourself.
You are likely to have a flood of painful and
confusing feelings, and you may need help sorting
them out. Take care of your own feelings, for your
child's sake as well as your own.
-Don't
give in to the response "It's better to forget about
it." Your child and you will recover, but it takes
time. Let your child continue to work it out. He or
she may still need to talk about it months later.
-Try
to keep a calm environment and resume as normal a
life as possible. Protect your child but don't
make him or her feel too isolated or different. Many
parents feel distressed at the premature sexualization
of their children and may feel that through abuse
they become "damaged goods." Children need to feel
whole and undamaged; your determination to treat them
as usual is crucial. Take life one day at a time and
handle problems as they come up. You don't have to
solve everything in one day.
